Prosetry and Fairy Tales

I Smiled

2009-10-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

I smiled,
and the waves of it
funneled through thousands of people
until it found you.

Fragment

2009-08-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

I found this little fragment in an old journal, I think I'd like to expand on the thought a little bit. It ends on a slightly hopeless note which I don't think is what I intended. Or maybe I did. I'd like to see where it could take me though.

We are released from
our prisons and tombs
So used to silence, we
cannot sing
So used to walls, we
build a container for ourselves
"to the glory of God"
-we cannot go out at all.

Seed

2009-08-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

My flickering memory
makes me love things
that never were.
When evening light
filters through the sky
All is golden, soft, hopeful
Echoes of love call to me
pulling my heart to you

But the fragments of my life
are jagged
heavy
I gather them carefully
avoiding the pain
Every shard scattered, hidden
deferring critical mass

Love shrivelled
I shake the pods-
is there a seed to plant?

Open Up Your Doors

2009-08-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Here is an older poem, a triplet if you will, written during a spare in Grade 11, I believe. See, I did do productive things in high school, just not the ones my teachers wanted me to do...

Open up your doors to receive the love of God
The hinges are so stiff, rusted by your tears
His anointing is the oil to loosen them.

The End of Blog Silence

2009-08-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's time for me to climb back onto my blog-box! I have been struggling, writing, healing, and not blogging... but having the pain lift is giving me a chance to pull myself together, and share some poems. This poem is about the pain, written in the early spring of 2008.

There is a great stone
inside me
I pound against it
with a surge of rage-
and hate
breakers of will
foam, and draw back
dissolving into myself
that which I despise
becoming hard:
And how do you strike that stone?

You choose
between the holy and common,
light and darkness
draw water from stone
His voice echoes,
"COME!"
almost lost to me
My heart throbs, bleeds, curses, hides
-I want to be drawn near
but am poisoned-
And I find it hard to choose,
control, mind
I remain, for now
cold.

Snapdragon

2008-06-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Or, as Ian says... a "dragonsnap"!

A snapdragon is
a boy
grinning gleefully
chomping into life

The Heavens Declare

2008-06-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Sentinels of the night
still and silent
Are roaring furnaces
surging & bursting
Rushing away at
unfathomable speeds
Sending messages across the gap
Bobbing gently upon waves of light
Arriving millions of years late
Even the night sky is a veil
-like the blue cocoon we adore
Twitch it aside,
what will we see?
The One who wears stars
as his crown?

Evening by the Lake

2008-06-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Brilliant
autumn leaves glow from within
sun-caught jewels
spice is in the air

Slivers of night are falling into day

and the breeze is carrying

the memory of morning

The sludge of toil is washing away

a wind is blowing-

like that first quiet breath

which awoke my soul

Twelve red roses floated to me

-your hand is warm

we are silent together

stones beneath our feet

listening for the wind, the birds, the muse

The clouds are gauzy and colourful

rolls of darkness are hurrying behind them

night is coming

our words grow misty

We are climbing together.

Guidance

2007-08-10T11:14:00.000-07:00

Onwards-
Never turning back
discovering
soggy shoes
enchantment
a forgotten path

I would rather lose myself going on
Than lose myself turning back
but somehow I always come out
almost where I thought.

Circles of Thought

2007-05-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

The other night I was doodling a geometric design (a rare occurrence, believe me) and I discovered this lurking in the back of my mind...

If I find a thousand circles of thought-
six legged
hiding in my mind
are they bumblebees or ladybugs?
I color them fractal
a tangent will thrust
unexpected appendages
all over the graph
I maze them
with glee
among solid slices of pi
interrupted.

The Forest

2007-05-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

Just another little couplet. Maybe it should be in with the "flower verses", or maybe I should save it for a bigger poem, but I like brevity.

The forest
on the edge of spring is
A child
on the verge of waking

Walls

2006-12-22T08:19:00.000-08:00

A wall
fights the gentle patterns of life
grinds out its possession
a monument to conceit
deceiving in its rigidity
permanent as a pause in a melody.

All walls fall
but stones decay towards life
erode to resurrect the soil.

God builds living walls
music just within
the brickwork of my body is moving,
dynamic, busy.

I am a living stone
but soft;
a seed falling
into the grave of resurrection.

Quote

2006-10-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Worship does not satisfy our hunger for God-it whets our appetite. Our need for God is not taken care of by engaging in worship-it deepens. It overflows the hour and permeates the week. The need is expressed in a desire for peace and security. Our everyday needs are changed by the act of worship. We are no longer living from hand to mouth, greedily scrambling through the human rat race to make the best we can out of a mean existence. Our basic needs suddenly become worthy of the dignity of creatures made in the image of God: peace and security."

-Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction

Who?

2006-10-04T15:29:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem several years ago after someone I knew died of cancer, and I had to face the fact that I had been really self-absorbed and had more or less forgotten about them as they suffered - not intentionally, of course, but an "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing. I figure it's not that hard to know what God's will is or how to do it, because it's summed up in the two greatest commandments: Love God and Love your neighbor... my "self" is pretty noisy though so somehow God's will becomes hard to do.

Who?

I saw your burdened, aching eyes
Heard the tremor in your voice
You tried to be brave

I met your news with sympathetic gaze
Promise of prayer
Encouraging embrace

But lost through cold indifference
Was persistent love
visits, support
Did I even remember to pray?

I watch many faces
Anguished, hollow
Feel twinges and twangs
Of helplessness, guilt, but

Imply agreement
With oppressors, destroyers
by my silence.

No! No!
Anger and injustice!
But I sat idle.

Your hardened, hurting eyes hit mine
asking,
Where was God when I suffered?

What can I say?

When He wanted to reach out,
I held back my hand.
How do I explain
Shutting the door on His tears?

Who would not comfort?
I who was not there.

Where is He? Where was He?
Bound by my refusal
Thwarted by my apathy.

Where was I when you suffered?
It was up to me.

The Booming Homeless

2006-07-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, blogs are for rants; here's one that won't amuse.

Calgary is experiencing a wild rodeo ride these days: an economic boom which is fueling unprecedented growth and a surge in real estate. But out-of-control growth is not a good thing. Many middle-class and low income Calgarians have been left homeless and suffering. These are people with full time jobs and families whose rents have skyrocketed, or are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, or lured here by the promise of jobs without taking into account the increasing cost of living- something which it appears increases every month. I cringe to think of how it will be for these people in a few short months when winter sets in.
The most disturbing thing to me in all this is the relative silence from the church in Calgary. It seems most Christians are hoping the government will step in and alleviate the problem of homelessness and all the associated problems which come with it. But taking care of the poor is the prerogative of the Body of Christ, not the government. If ever there was a time for the Body to step up to the plate and do something about poverty in our city, it is NOW.
Of course I am aware that there are already numerous Christian agencies already in place to assist the homeless, but those places are overwhelmed by the volume of people needing assistance. I am quite sure that the amount of financial aid they receive has not increased in proportion to the need - or the prosperity in some sectors. It is definitely time for something new to be implemented.
This new thing should cross our denominational boundaries. We are all the Body in Calgary, and we must lay down our doctrinal swords and truly demonstrate that we belong to the One who is, by definition, Love. I am no organizer and I have no idea what we ought to do. Perhaps we should raise funds to build or purchase our own low-cost housing for those who are struggling. The Muslim community is raising 14 million dollars to build a mosque. Perhaps our answer should be raising millions of dollars to build low-rent homes. Whatever each of our churches could do alone is nothing compared to what we can do together.
Maybe it is easier for us to let down our guards towards theology than money.
Whatever we do, let us do it remembering God's admonitions in James and Isaiah 58 about true faith focusing on taking care of the needy. The Body is sleeping when we should realize that this is our moment to shine! This is our moment to shut the mouths of the scoffers who despise our faith and our God. But all I see and hear is silence when we should be weeping, working, healing and helping.
Let us also not forget that every boom has a bust - whether gradual or sudden, there is no doubt that this prosperity cannot last forever. Let us do as much as we can while our home values are high and our jobs are secure. If the boom has left this many people in the dust, what will the bust bring? Certainly nothing will get better for anyone. Never before has Jesus' call to turn away from the riches of this world rung so true as it does today. Am I like the rich young ruler who cannot give up great wealth in order to follow Him? Am I even worse than him, not realizing that I cannot serve two masters, and trying keep one foot in my comfortable life and follow Him too?
I don't want to give up my home or my comforts. But who knows but that I will not retain them for long anyway? Isn't it better to give them up for His sake than have them taken away in the end for no one's profit- except perhaps the bank?

More About Language

2006-03-21T10:03:00.000-08:00

The Linguists:
uncovering roots of meaning hidden beneath the cacophony of voices
dragging their treasures through the pitfalls of convenience
and the structures are lost
tossed, squished, undermined.
still we pick through, piece together,
puzzling over what cannot fit but must to find
what?
Looking through the weathered ages of language
obscure, twisted, rocky, tundra, knotty forest bark
our speech is still unfound.

The Whimsical Skies

2005-11-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, my blog title promises fairy tales so I'm finally getting down to it and posting a little vignette. Enjoy!

The Whimsical Skies

I my hand I am holding the moon, and its face is smiling benignly back up at me. I had thought it would take up rather more space in my hand, but there it is- a silvery grape no wider than a dime.

Its brilliance remains unabated, no matter how disappointing the size, and makes the coarse sand of the beach appear covered in snow. In fact I am amazed at how much light shines from it and that it doesn't hurt my eyes to look at it so close. I wonder how I, standing on the edge of an island near midnight, could have caught this beauty in my hand.

I am afraid. I remember the fragile balance by which things are held together, and I fear I have destroyed the balance of earth and sun, so I glance sharply back up at the sky. All the stars are silent, and Orion gazes heedlessly past. None of the heavenly bodies care that this moon is now mine, glowing just as happily in my hand as it did in the sky.

I am happy but jealous of my moon, which does nothing but smile and shine. I decide I will keep her, hide her, make a setting in a necklace for her. No one else has a moon- this moon is mine.

The tide has been slowly climbing the beach. It has reached my bare, cool toes, and is beginning to eat away at the sand beneath my feet. I turn and scramble over the logs at the high tide line, watching as the waves slowly grow larger and higher, breaking against weathered logs and pulling them out to sea.

They cannot have my moon! She is mine! I jump to the road only moments before another wave crashes upon the very place I sat. So I run and run as fast as I can into the forest and up the hill.

"YOU CANNOT HAVE HER!" I scream as the waves begin to flood the forest, splashing through the ferns and blackberry thickets with a salty spray. But the tide advances, intent on the glow in my hand. I clench my fist tight around it, but the moon shines just as brightly through my fingers. And now the waves are lapping at my heels again, so I sprint away, pushing my path between giant cedars and pines.

I am beginning to discover how treacherous a guide moonlight is- I have stumbled into a dozen brambles, fallen into gopher holes, and into countless stumps and rocks. But she is mine! No one will take her- by force or persuasion.

The waves do not persuade; they advance.

Now I have reached High Point, and I can climb no higher. To my dismay, I see the waves rising through the bushes, pulling towards me from every side. I gaze back at the sky. The stars, no longer impersonal, watch my every move.

The tide has reached me. The moon is heavy in my hand. No choice is left. I fling the silver orb back up into the sky, and she smiles, nods, and finds her place. The tide slowly recedes and I sit upon the last dry rock on the island. The stars fade a little, resuming a disinterested stance.

They knew it couldn't be done.

Day and Night

2005-10-30T08:37:00.000-08:00

This spring thousands and thousands of painted lady butterflies migrated through Calgary...

Day and Night

1
when butterflies migrate
do they doubt?
crossing continents of the unknown
frail wings are made for such a journey
trembling in the driving rain
primal desperation rises as
countless comrades fall
what is the heart of my quest?

2
the moon is the lighthouse of the moth
it dances a tango with the sun
the moth circles in a straight line
as the moon roams across the sky
false beacons dazzle all around
drawing the moth into dazed spirals

3
Lead me onwards;
fix my eyes on the moving signal
across the masses of doubt
and the lure of an earthbound guide; shiny
death
so I can cross into angelsong
and rest.

Virtuoso

2005-10-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

This poem is an attempt to describe the struggle of my heart to accept God's love and discipline; a beauty and pain so intense that I sometimes want to escape this path I have chosen. But I also find that the power of His grace is sufficient to make me a "bush that burns and is not consumed".

Virtuoso

Like a stringed instrument
you play me
The confused, hollow spaces in my heart
resonate you best
And the song pours from
deep within your heart
Ringing in my mouth
like a forgotten word

The music troubles me
reveals me
Tears spring forth
I cannot restrain the arm that pulls the bow
Or smash myself to stop the song
I only ask to survive the fire
of your passion.

Shuva Soul Searching

2005-10-07T19:13:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to share a small thing, since it's almost Yom Kippur, something God's been dealing with me on lately. This January God led me to Isaiah 58 (about fasting), to be my "theme" for the year. After much prayer and soul-searching, I have to confess that I have failed, mainly, in doing anything outlined in this passage. He has, in fact, been on my case for about a year to spend some time volunteering among those less fortunate and wounded. To my shame, I haven't done it. I have been too busy pursuing my own desires and my own activities and not listened to His voice. In fact, He has been pressing me to give up other activities and take this up instead (since I used the excuse that I have no time for other volunteering).

The crisis came this fall due to a few factors. One of them was reading an article in the paper recently about the crime rates and abortion rates in various first-world countries and the percentage of the population which claims to believe in God and go to church on a regular basis. The unfortunate fact which the study unearthed is that the US has by far the greatest percentage of people who believe in God and attend services, but yet has the greatest percentage of social ills- by a huge margin. I was in disbelief but I went and investigated the original study (which didn't pretend to be conclusive, but did point out this glaring inconsistency) and found out that it was indeed true. (The study did not include third world countries due to a lack of data, but it is my belief that one would discovera different story there.)

I have also been reading a book by Philip Yancey called "Soul Survivor" which outlines biographies of different men of faith who have deeply influenced his faith. The book is not a social comment, but I cannot read it without comparing the lives of these people with mine, and discover mine is lacking in crucial ways.

And, most of all, I began to think of Yeshua and the verse, "Though he was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor so that you through His poverty might become rich." Yeshua would have impoverished Himself by just becominghuman, even if He had chosen to be the son of an emperor or king. But He not only chose to belong to the most despised race of all times, but to be the illegitimate child of a teenage nobody. All his life he chose to associate with prostitutes, winos, crooks, and 'trade' workers. I usually run the other way when I see such people coming. We talk about going back to the roots of our faith and maybe even we are missing the point.

The crux of the matter for me was when I asked myself:
When was the last time I gave anyone a cup of water in His name?
When was the last time I gave someone a meal?
Or visited anyone in the hospital or prison?
I have to confess I have never been in a prison at all. So I rely on His
grace but my behavior is that of a goat.

Growing Up...

2005-09-09T09:08:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what I thought adulthood would be like but somehow I have landed in it and I don't recognize this at all.

(untitled)
I had thought "growing" would mean
more of the same
only better
But the surging tides bring
new floatsam to the shore
-still alive with similarity-
It has explored new beaches,
releasing relics yet unseen:
from the shipwrecked,
the lonely
the adventurous and bereft
Un-looked-for differences
And I weep under the archway
of an unforseen world.

Language

2005-06-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

I came across this poem which I wrote when I was studying German. Now I am learning Hebrew, and it still describes my thoughts, and the mystery of it all (a little obscurely, yes, but it is poetry after all...)

Language

The names are not so
easily familiar
of those thing which mean the most
Your eyes meet mine
Frozen, I forget the words
to say who you are
Who I am is all I know

The mind- the fog, unbearable glare
The symbol- disbelief, insight
Impossible to wear
So it fades into twilight

A slow fading
The brilliant January afternoon
sun steaming off the road
becomes cold

Numb ears awakening, picking
sounds to understand
Dumb lips are shaking, trying
sounds to mumble
fearfully
The rhythm, the smooth flow
foreign
becomes familiar
Jumbled letters strewn in
haphazard patterns
Realign to show strengths
I never knew existed

but the meat of understanding
fills other senses

Dark eyes strengthening, finding
words to recognize
Old limbs are quivering, stretching
words to excercise
tantalized

Flower Verses

2005-05-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

For all you gardeners out there: over the last few years I've been adding to these "Flower Verses"... enjoy.

The morning glory is
a trumpet of sweetness
A whole blooming orchestra
is growing on my trellis.

The cyclamen is
a falling star
Captured by a lonely plant
and suspended just inches
from the earth.

The peony is
a porcelain bowl
Full of summer joy.
It is the scent of pink.

The lilac is
purity
a wedding of white lace
and lavender gowns.

A growing tree is
love
A newly-budded vine,
The rolling of the day,
This is love.

The dandelion is
innocence
All jolly and bright;
a toddler's beaming face.

The prairie crocus is
spring,
Pianissimo.

The tulip is
a cup of promise
brimful of daybreak.

The wind is
a billowing white sheet
An early summer morning
cool and tangy

Birdsong is
an unborn flower
Droplets of music splash down
pink, yellow and white.

star gazing

2005-05-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

"He wraps himself with light as with a garment" Psalm 104:2
"Clouds and thick darkness surround him" Psalm 97:2
"But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you will receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." Isaiah 50:11

When I sit in my house at night and turn on my lamp, I cannot see out of my own windows.
When the sun shines brightest, its light hides the stars and the "clear blue sky" is really a windowless canopy, and we are like children, hiding under the blankets of daytime and afraid of the dark.
The glare from the billions of stars makes space look black- but its color is really a creamy white.
The bright immediacy of my busy life invariably shadows the glorious reality of the kingdom of God.
And when I shine with my own self-life, that small torch I carry amazingly blocks from my eyes the glaring brightness of God's glory. How can it be that my little self can create a shadow so big?

When the sun shines through my diamond, it splatters a zillion little rainbows around me. If God is light, then this universe is only a prism and all the things in it are really just rainbows and shadows... I heard a talk show, I think it was the Bible Answer Man or something, and this woman was asking the scholar if we will SEE God, in a physical sense, after we die. She was implying that's the "real" seeing. But neither she nor the Scholar seemed to realize that the physical world is a refraction, a shadow... and seeing is not restricted to this reality. Nor even fully experienced in this world.

(Don't get me wrong, I don't hold to the notion that because this world is the shadow, that things done here don't matter- they matter very much. We greatly affect the spiritual world, and in this thing my analogy breaks down... sigh, it was such a beautiful one, too. However I find myself getting hot and bothered about things that won't even matter tomorrow in this world, let alone the other. So whenever I look at the blue sky and remember the stars hidden behind it, I also remember that these awful, glaring, difficult or happy things which sweep me up and away also hide a huge, huge, amazing reality which is not affected by the other driver cutting me off or whatever comes my way. The only thing that really matters is whether I am growing in my character to be more like God, and allowing Him to guide me through.)

Another River Poem

2005-04-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

After I drop my son off at preschool I have a precious hour all by myself before I have to drive the afternoon school bus run, and I usually spend it walking around Carburn Park. I walk there and sit by the Bow River for a while, and look for deer, which I always see there, and never when I'm looking for them. In fact on Wednesday I nearly walked straight into one, which looked a little less startled than I was myself. (They are quite used to clumsy, senseless people stomping around and not looking where they're going.) Anyway I have to acknowledge these walks are inspiring lots of rivery poems.

Hear

The watery voice of the river
It speaks in a pebbly tongue
Murmuring the secrets of hidden stones
Just beside blank grey civilization.

It quietly gurgles in treasures of silence
Point and counterpoint with a
songbird's melodies.

Water and sun embrace as lovers
I cannot look for long at the joy
of their encounters, for
it marks my face with a lasting blush.

Where I Walk

2005-04-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Here's an old poem that warrants a re-read... the deceptions of perceptions.

Where I Walk

Sing a thought. Rub your
fingers raw on the
strings
Theologize until you
go insane

Clouds and thick darkness
surround him
There is a space
That only His form can fill
But I cannot find Him in it

Work until you're weary and
find you can
complete nothing

What I want Him to be
what He is
I see His shape
His features are a mystery

Find me in my
emptiness

If He came would
He answer
would I understand
would we see each other

path of fire
path of consummation

"The Truth"

2005-04-01T20:34:00.000-08:00

I Remember You

2005-03-31T15:19:00.000-08:00

We reached-
arms outstretched
found,
learned,
knew
complacent and satisfied
loosened our grip
forgot, rested
lost.

But who can remember
the melody of a brook?
-keep a butterfly or a flower
in a jar?

We would remember.
Today is misplaced
Distance and time continue
I lost you
Our friendship is the victim.

I am a River

2005-03-29T18:02:00.000-08:00

I am a river
rushing unquietly among the rocks
pounding the edges away from myself
Seeking smoothness, restful curves, easy slopes

You see me
a roaring torrent, free falling
looking for a gentle place to warm myself in deep pools

or a gentle valley stream
the passion of the mountain hidden in blue-green silt

The treasures of the rocks through which I flow
glitter for hungry eyes to see
They follow my path backwards to find gold
But I'll never go there again

Too much darkness and pressure and pain
brought those glimmering sparks from the rocks
And yet my heart flows there

For I am a river, always running
Daily refreshed by tiny drops, melted from ice
Aquifers, hidden but bubbling forth
living water daily wearing down sharp stones
Always seeking the ocean

Light is a river
A rushing, invisible stream,
pouring all over beauty, form,
texture, faith
Swimming with my eyes open
I can't see above the surface of the running water
Where can I find a quiet pool
To see what lies above this stream?