Who?

I wrote this poem several years ago after someone I knew died of cancer, and I had to face the fact that I had been really self-absorbed and had more or less forgotten about them as they suffered - not intentionally, of course, but an "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing. I figure it's not that hard to know what God's will is or how to do it, because it's summed up in the two greatest commandments: Love God and Love your neighbor... my "self" is pretty noisy though so somehow God's will becomes hard to do.

Who?

I saw your burdened, aching eyes
Heard the tremor in your voice
You tried to be brave

I met your news with sympathetic gaze
Promise of prayer
Encouraging embrace

But lost through cold indifference
Was persistent love
visits, support
Did I even remember to pray?

I watch many faces
Anguished, hollow
Feel twinges and twangs
Of helplessness, guilt, but

Imply agreement
With oppressors, destroyers
by my silence.

No! No!
Anger and injustice!
But I sat idle.

Your hardened, hurting eyes hit mine
asking,
Where was God when I suffered?

What can I say?

When He wanted to reach out,
I held back my hand.
How do I explain
Shutting the door on His tears?

Who would not comfort?
I who was not there.

Where is He? Where was He?
Bound by my refusal
Thwarted by my apathy.

Where was I when you suffered?
It was up to me.